in kl, the story so far

got into kl late tues pm. went straight to the hotel and had room service for dinner. was just too tired to go out, am not allowed to go out after maghrib n it was raining.

yesterday decided to pay my 'sch' a visit. yes! my sch has become a mall. needed a few things fr the supermarket..lil one's formula. went up to the kids' floor...no sale yet!bought a b'day prezzie for our niece then went to get my swatch batt changed. been meaning to get the batt changed for a yr now. my swatch has been up n down kl-miri so many times n has never left my handbag :) next on my list is to change the batt on my other watch n get my bracelet fixed. which reminds me...i dunno wat to get for hubbs for our anniversary which is in less than a months time.

had chic rice for lunch. also really yumm hot soyabean drink n tau foo fah. bought dounts as well fr j co. surprisingly i must say there was NO q at j co. in fact the food court was not as bz. i remember trying to secure a table at 2pm on a weekday b4..took us 2 rounds b4 we got one.

my darling daughter had a good nap so i gave her a donut n to my surprise she actually finished the whole donut. 1/2 b4 her bath n the other 1/2 after . she's having a nap now..her tok put her to sleep. Alhamdullillah.

the morn b4 we flew...i told her we were going to take an airplane in the pm. she happily answered..'sit plane have breast!' to which i replied...sorry hun! no more..milk dried up. actually i do have some now post miscarriage but i really don't want to go down the same route in weaning her off. she tried a few times in the plane n we had to be firm. in the end, she sat in her seat n nearly finished her bottle of water. feel asleep for about 45 mins. woke up n had her meal. the kids meal is the same as the adults. poor gal has some spots on her face now as the nasi goreng had egg in it. well, the other option was pasta which was spicy.

got a brochure fr robinsons. hmm....70% sale on petit bateau. well..m so tempted to go this weekend. will ask hubbs later tonite. if i wasn't in confinement, u can bet i will b in robinson's tmrw :)

change of bb ticker

hmm...yes! i have changed the bb ticker. looking forward to lieverd's 3rd birthday...insya Allah

what will they ban next..

yesterday, the national fatwa council banned yoga. i have done yoga n i certainly don't remember any form of chanting or meditation. it was purely stretching exercise that left u feeling very relaxed afterwards since ppl like me tend to get stressed out fast n get all their muscles in knots! Alhamdullillah, my faith in Allah is still intact even tho i practiced yoga.hubbs went to a few yoga sess with me and even he can't remember any chanting/meditation. in fact, he has coined the term goyang for yoga which is purely exercise :))

another practice that has its roots in hinduism is merenjis n drawing of henna on the bride's hands n feet. hmmm...will they ever ban that? i doubt it very much.

a few months ago, they banned girls fr dressing up like boys...tomboys. i used to have my hair really short, hardly wore dresses or skirts, climbed trees n didn't play w dolls...but Alhamdullillah i am now a wife w one daughter. yes! i was very much a tomboy but i didn't have any probs w my sexual orientation. what i don't understand is why is there no fatwa about men crossdressing. all those mak nyahs w implants etc. shudn't they be banned as well?

my opinion is faith in Allah is ingrained in u by your parents. how u were brought up n what u were exposed to plays a huge role in developing one as a person. Everyday, one prays to Allah so that one's faith is intact. To me, all these are tests from Allah.

insya Allah w Allah's guidance, we will b able to nurture n bring up our daughter so that her faith in Allah is intact n not easily shaken. this will remain as one of our biggest tests fr Allah.

kakak fah

its the 2nd saturday since the episode. weekends are usually filled w doing errands cum family outing. i do miss going out w the 2 most dearest ppl in my life. if it was sunny like yesterday, i wud have gone out at least to pbc to see the sea. looking at the sea n feeling the breeze really calms me down.

lil gal calls herself fah. but yesterday while she was playing she called herself kakak fah. both hubbs n i were stunned. thot i misheard her but even hubbs heard it. well...insya Allah she will b kakak fah one day.

as for me, i am getting stronger by the day Alhamdullillah.can't wait for this confinement to be over so i can binge on food. for the past 2 years, i have been on a no dairy n no seafood diet. now that i have stopped breastfeeding....hehehe. but must watch it since i don't want to end up a bigger tong. yes! i know i am fat, don't need reminding by certain parties. well, hubbs doesn't mind my present size since he says that it shows he has been feeding me n that i am happy. but i really need to exercise. feel so lethargic. now that lil one doesn't rely on me for milk, i can start going swimming in the morn during the weekends that is if hubbs is not playing golf.

hubbs is currently planning our family holiday. can't wait to go. its been ages since we had a proper holiday.

my frens in NL says that it is gonna snow soon. how i miss living in europe. i haven't lived in kl for 10 yrs now n am not looking forward to living there again.

when batt runs out

lil one loves to fight her sleep.for the past week, her nyai was around.her daily activity was bullying nyai. not allowing nyai to sleep..in fact, the minute nyai lies down; she will order nyai to get up. even to the point of not letting the nyai take off her specs. poor nyai!there was once nyai went to bed at 8pm after isya' prayers!!!

but when her batt runs out, she can literally fall asleep anywhere. i actually saw my fren's son doing this and was wondering when she will do the same. her son once slept in the corridor. my darling fell asleep while she was exercising on the sofa's arm n while she was in her see saw. attempts to move her resulted in her waking up.

toddlerhood is fascinating but frustrating for all parties.she has soooooo much energy! sometimes i wonder where she gets it from considering her food intake it not that gr8. then again, sometimes she just gobbles down anything n everything esp when daddy is around. when daddy goes off for biz trips...her appetite wanes.

ik erg boos

i really don't know how i am gonna go thro the rest of this confinement period. w a baby, time is used up quickly. w a toddler...its bz n tiring but the fact that one can't leave the house is getting to me.

poor lil gal..this week, she has her granny around. but when she plays outside, she wants me there. she asked me to wear my slippers.she actually took my shoes n put them near my feet to get me to wear them. bless her!

i really cannot understand the rationale behind being confined after a miscarriage. its punishment enuff to have lost your kids but being confined to 4 walls of the house w the memories..i think its plain cruelty. well...another test by Allah. just need to b patient..praying hard to Allah to help me thro this. have another month to go. well...actually will b going to kl next week. we bot the tix a few wks ago n they are non refundable. so rather than see the tix go to waste, will b making the trip. not sure if i am up to seeing ppl actually. the way i see it, no one can understand the pain of a miscarrage unless u go thro it.

even tho i accept that what happened is Allah's will n He is looking out for me but i am still getting head around the factors that brought this on. things that cud have been avoided.

whatever it is, I am thankful to Allah for Nazeefah, showing me that i can get pregnant without assistance n the fact that i cud have had twins.

a fren in need is a fren indeed

the same fren who gave me the quote sent me this hadith.

Sahih Muslim Hadith 6370 Narrated by AbuHurayrah

AbuHassan said to AbuHurayrah: My two children had died. Would you narrate to me
anything from Allah's Apostle (peace be upon him) a hadith which would soothe our
hearts ... Read Morein our bereavements? He said: Yes.

Small children are the fowls of Paradise. If one of them meets his father (or he said his parents), he would take hold of his cloth(or his hand), and he (the child) would not take off (his hand) from it until Allah causes his father to enter Paradise.

Sahl ibn al-Hanzala, who had no children, said, "I would prefer to have a miscarried child while I am a Muslim and resign that child to Allah than to have the entire world and what it contains."

this fren has been thro thick n thin w me. i knew i can count on him. he will remain a very dear fren to both hubbs n i. even tho he is far n we are rarely in contact, its nice to know that i can still depend on him.

i am healing insya Allah. slowly but surely. its lil things like these that really makes one day.

quote

A fren of mine sent me this quote n i simply love it. it certainly made my day.

Though Destiny waylays you a hundred times,
In the end it pitches a tent for you in heaven.

It is God's loving-kindness to terrify you
In order to lead you to the kingdom of safety.

later, i received a brightly coloured package fr my sis in kl. i have forgotten that its the lil things in life that can really make one happy.

i have learnt a few lessons fr this episode in my life which insya Allah i will never take for granted. every day is a struggle but it is made a lot easier by waking up seeing my hubbs n daughter sleeping every so peacefully as dawn breaks in w the birds chirping n the rooster cock a doo dooling away. watching my mum playing w my daughter as well gives such a warm feeling to my heart.

Farewell my twins

We found out that we were pregnant the 3rd week of ramadhan. It was a shock but a pleasant surprise for the both of us. Since I was breastfeeding, I had no LMP to refer to so we went for a scan. The 1st scan showed nothing so we were afraid that it was an ectopic so had another scan at the end of the week..Alhamdullillah, it was in my uterus. off we went to kl for eid. came back fr eid, had another scan..there was 2 heartbeats! all 3 of us were shocked...gynae included. confirmed the twin pregnancy 2 weeks later..both babies were growing well, 21.5 mm n 22mm respectively.

last thurs, i had a bad cold.i was struggling to cope w the pregnancy n looking after a bouncy toddler. hubbs unfortunately had to go to kl every week, sometimes even 2x/week. my mum cudn't come over to help me out as my sis just had back surgery.our search for a maid wasn't futile as yet. started to spot on thurs n fri but no cramps. nothing during the weekend.on mon, it started again but stopped in the morn. hubbs was in kl for a day trip so cudn't go c the gynae plus i was just soooo exhausted. after subuh the next day...i started to bleed. it was lots of fresh blood. i also had cramps. my heart of hearts told me that i was having an inevitable miscarriage but i tried to stay strong.i was hoping that at least 1 twin survived. woke nazeefah up @ 9am as we had an appt at 9:45am.The final scan showed that my babies had no heartbeat n were not moving. According to their sizes, they both passed away that morn.while waiting for erpc, i had a very strong contraction and passed what i thot then was a huge clot. on close examination, i saw one of the twins. he/she had a face, eyes were shut, shoulders, arms n legs as well.he/she was as long as my palm. my heart was broken into bits. that was one thing i definitely wasn't ready to see.my babies were buried at the cemetery. as hubbs aptly commented, we leave something of us everywhere we live.

on the same day, my hubbs aunt passed away. my mil n bil who just arrrived in miri w my mum had to take the next flite back to kl. i do thank them from the very bottom of my heart for making their way out here at such short notice.

to all my family n frens, thx so much for the kind wishes. Allah has his reasons, I am very sure.

i will definitely miss my lil gal feeding her adiks thro my belly button; her nite nite wish while rubbing my tummy; her putting her cheek on my tummy to kiss them goodnite and last but not least her attempts to tickle them as well. even though she can't say it, we think she knows. she hasn't looked for her adiks since yesterday..

i can't wait till after my confinement is over to visit their grave. as for their scan piccies..i don't know what to do w them yet.

my oh my

the conversations that we have w lil one can be quite hilarious n frustrating at times.

since weaning her off, bedtime has been a struggle.
1.last nite her conversation w daddy..
daddy in a firm voice: time for bed
lil one: :no
daddy : go to bed
lil one : shut up, daddy naughty
mummy was chuckling away to herself

she also loves to take off her sleepsuit when the air cond is switched on full blast. of course, it makes both mummy n daddy angry. few nites ago, this is what when on

1. she spilt water on the bed
mummy: why mummy ba bap?
lil one : coz fah naughty
mummy: what did u do?
lil one : fah spill water

2. mummy: y mummy ba bap?
lil one : coz fah naughty
mummy : what did fah do?
lil one : open buttons (of) (sleep)suit

her fav video is colours n shapes. she can name the shapes but colours...aiyo..tembak only.
mummy: what colour is this?
lil one : red, yellow, green
mummy: its not a traffic light la...

she also picks out the clothes she wants to wear. somehow w daddy, she doesn't but w me. aiyo..we can go thro all her dresses like this morn n she picked a dress which was still too big for her. mummy tired of arguing w her, gave in..

for the 1st time this morn, she said 'morning mummy'. its usually morning happy, morning breast (yes! she talks to my breasts), morning bear. if u ask her...what about morning mummy...she will say NO!

i really wish i can tape all these but as soon i whip out my phone she turns all shy n keeps quiet. hope to remember to write more of our conversations...