Farewell my twins

We found out that we were pregnant the 3rd week of ramadhan. It was a shock but a pleasant surprise for the both of us. Since I was breastfeeding, I had no LMP to refer to so we went for a scan. The 1st scan showed nothing so we were afraid that it was an ectopic so had another scan at the end of the week..Alhamdullillah, it was in my uterus. off we went to kl for eid. came back fr eid, had another scan..there was 2 heartbeats! all 3 of us were shocked...gynae included. confirmed the twin pregnancy 2 weeks later..both babies were growing well, 21.5 mm n 22mm respectively.

last thurs, i had a bad cold.i was struggling to cope w the pregnancy n looking after a bouncy toddler. hubbs unfortunately had to go to kl every week, sometimes even 2x/week. my mum cudn't come over to help me out as my sis just had back surgery.our search for a maid wasn't futile as yet. started to spot on thurs n fri but no cramps. nothing during the weekend.on mon, it started again but stopped in the morn. hubbs was in kl for a day trip so cudn't go c the gynae plus i was just soooo exhausted. after subuh the next day...i started to bleed. it was lots of fresh blood. i also had cramps. my heart of hearts told me that i was having an inevitable miscarriage but i tried to stay strong.i was hoping that at least 1 twin survived. woke nazeefah up @ 9am as we had an appt at 9:45am.The final scan showed that my babies had no heartbeat n were not moving. According to their sizes, they both passed away that morn.while waiting for erpc, i had a very strong contraction and passed what i thot then was a huge clot. on close examination, i saw one of the twins. he/she had a face, eyes were shut, shoulders, arms n legs as well.he/she was as long as my palm. my heart was broken into bits. that was one thing i definitely wasn't ready to see.my babies were buried at the cemetery. as hubbs aptly commented, we leave something of us everywhere we live.

on the same day, my hubbs aunt passed away. my mil n bil who just arrrived in miri w my mum had to take the next flite back to kl. i do thank them from the very bottom of my heart for making their way out here at such short notice.

to all my family n frens, thx so much for the kind wishes. Allah has his reasons, I am very sure.

i will definitely miss my lil gal feeding her adiks thro my belly button; her nite nite wish while rubbing my tummy; her putting her cheek on my tummy to kiss them goodnite and last but not least her attempts to tickle them as well. even though she can't say it, we think she knows. she hasn't looked for her adiks since yesterday..

i can't wait till after my confinement is over to visit their grave. as for their scan piccies..i don't know what to do w them yet.