time

totally forgot that i sort off started this blog while i was in kl waiting for my MVV. was soo p****** off with the dutch immigration. well, i am in holland now waiting for residence card. first, i can't enter the country now i can't leave it!!

am in one of my low moods today. been reflecting on my life for the past year and realised this is the first year in my life after graduating from my 1st undergraduate degree that i haven't chased a qualification! hubby decided that i shud take a break n i was ready for one. after nearly 3 years of marriage, we have just started living together, 5 n a bit months now. Thank God! Lots of people have insinuated that i am lazy since i am not working...take a page out of my book, i was burnt out!

We have not been blessed with kids as yet..this is poss one of the reasons for my current depressive state. i think i am over the worst bit i.e. the heart wrenching moment when your hubby is holding his niece, the trips to baby shops, babies in prams n seeing kids in general. i wasn't as bad as i wud burst out there n then but i did my fair share of balling my eyes out in private. my darling hubby n dearest friends have been great, ever so supportive. in a morbid way, i am quite happy to be away from my family now as i don't have to answer why i haven't conceived as yet etc. i feel that only people faced with infertility can understand what we go thru. the fact that i married late cud well be a major factor but that was not by choice, more circumstance!

God willing..we will be doing our umrah next week..i really can't wait. my last trip was ramadhan of 1991..yup! more than a decade ago. my heart really yearns for the peace of mind that i felt when i was there last. we are still waiting for our visa which could b complicated by the fact that i don't have my residence card as yet..we'll see.